Wednesday, February 6, 2008

A Rodent and a potluck

Ya'll I hate squirrels. I mean it, I really truly do. I can't hardly stand to see them in my yard running around, stealing my bird seed and waving their furry little tails. They're just big rats with bushy tails, ya'll. That's all they are. Well, if I hated them before what happened last week just clenched my opinion of them.

We've all been sick as dogs here, ya'll. Sick, I mean. With whatever crud is going around town. I know my boys brought it home from school and spread it around the family. There is nothing dirtier than a boy, ya'll. My boys won't hardly scrape their shoes when they come in the door and just leave a trail of stuff behind them wherever they go. Oh, they're as sweet as you please. You won't hear my boys addressing you without tacking a "Yes ma'am" on the end. And they'd do just about near anything to help you out. They get that from their daddy. But, by and large, they are filthy and disgusting. I don't think they can help it. John David went for four days one week last summer without taking a shower. He kept trying to justify it by telling me he was going swimming every day and the chlorine was getting him just as clean as could be. I let it go just as far as I could thinking eventually he'd give in and tuck his tail and hit the wash. But, I tell you the boy held out! I had to threaten him with hog-tieing him and scrubbing him off in the backyard before he succumbed. Anyway, whatever they brought with them, it was crud. We all dropped like flies so I've been taking care of sick kids and a big sick husband for what seems like forever, but has really been about two weeks.

Well, wouldn't you know it, but I finally got down with it too. I could feel it creepin' on and knew I had gone about as far as I could go and one afternoon I just lay down on the couch and give out. Mel ran the house for four days and darned if he didn't shake a stick at it. He gave his 100 percent. Of course, all you ladies out there know that a man's 100 percent in the house, ain't but about 35 percent of our standard. But I was proud of him and told him so.

I hobbled around for about two days weak as a kitten and huffing and puffing to do my housework. When I finally got out the house to go to the Piggly Wiggly before we run clean out of everything to eat and have to gnaw the kitchen table I had a disaster waiting on me when I came back.

I was beat when I hit the door, ya'll. I dragged in my grocery sacks from the car with baby Shelby trailing along behind me. When I opened the back door and stepped into the kitchen, I was met with quite a sight. Ya'll I thought we'd been burglared. Our house was torn to smithereens. There was stuff everywhere and it wasn't until I realized that nothing was missing, just torn up that the hairs on the back of my neck started to stand up. You know what it was?


A SQUIRREL had come in through Walter the Cat's Kitty door and got in MY HOUSE! My house, ya'll!!!!

I about died. Right there. If Shelby hadn't been standing there with her little thumb in her mouth, I woulda let out a stream of obscenities that woulda pushed me further down on St. Peter's list.

I tell you. My curtains had been clawed. My couch cushions had been clawed. Stuff was knocked off shelves, cereal had been clawed into. He musta thought he was trapped for good and was fighting his way outta hell to leave the mess he did. Well. I stood there and just looked around and then I heard some scratching.

YES I DID, he was still in the house ya'll. Lordamercy! Mel was at work. The boys were at school and here I was with the baby and a car full of groceries and a damned squirrel in the house. 'Scuse my language, but we are talking about squirrels here, ya'll. I sent Shelby out to sit in the front porch swing and got me a broom and started hunting for that rat. Do you know where I found him? He was in the BABY'S room just a chewing away on her pink princess pig pillow that she dearly loves. Well, I got s'mad that I just started hollering and thumping my broom down every which a way. He musta seen I meant business because he puffed up his tail and hissed at me and then took off out the room and down the hall and right back out the pet door where he came in at.

I just sagged against the wall and looked around. I felt like a puff of wind coulda blown me away. I just put the cold stuff away and got the baby and we went to bed. When Mel came home that afternoon he hollered "Fannie, what the hell happened in this place?" and didn't even believe me when I told him. Can you believe that?

On another note, ya'll, we are going to a potluck tonight with the church. They have them once a month and I am making this squash casserole that you won't believe. I do hate to share recipes, being a southern woman and all, but since we're pals I'll let ya have this one.

Fannie's Fabulous Squash Casserole

3 T butter
8 squash, chopped
1 medium onion, chopped
2 large eggs, with the fire beat outta them
2 T minced fresh parsley
1 cup grated cheddar cheese (although Mel insists I use more, so I go about two cups.)
1 t salt
1/2 t pepper
1 cup crushed potato chips

Heat your oven to 350. Grease your casserole about a 9x13 with butter. Put your onions and squash in a big old pot with a little bit of water. Simmer and cook til they're tender. Drain them. Mash them. Add the butter and stir til they're melted. In another bowl take your eggs, parsley, cheese, salt and pepper and mix them and add them to the squash mix. Pour into your dish and bake for 20 minutes. Top with the potato chips and then bake 10 minutes more.

Ya'll you'll thank me.

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